Trudeau Swoops In to Save Climate Talks

Lachie McKenzie | December 12, 2015.

Just when it appeared the climate change talks in Paris would result in a weak agreement, that would put the globe on a path to environmental and economic catastrophe, newly minted Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau literally swooped in to save the day.

Paragliding effortlessly into the conference centre from a helicopter with his sleeves rolled up, Trudeau made quite the entrance to the negotiating hall.

Laurent Fabius, president of the conference, nearly fainted when he cast eyes upon the Canadian, as he sauntered gracefully up to the podium like a feather in a Zephyr.

“I’ll take it from here mon amie,” he told the French foreign minister, who mumbled something about being in charge.

“Look into my eyes,” whispered Trudeau to a dumbfounded and clearly starstruck plenary.

Trudeau 1

Trudeau fights climate change in his spare time

“Sunny ways are here again my friends, now repeat after me: I hereby agree to a legally binding treaty on climate change. I agree to lower my country’s emissions to a point where human civilisation can flourish,” he sonorously extolled to a nodding crowd.

Initial pushback from some United States Senators present was soon resolved with a promise from Trudeau to let them hang out at his place on the weekends.

And in a turn of events that may go down in history as one of the smartest things the world’s governments have ever done, delegates at the UN climate change conference signed an agreement to lower their emissions.

“And no givesies backsies, okay?” Trudeau told the audience in an uncharacteristically stern tone.

A clearly audible “strip, strip, strip” was heard coming from the direction of the Saudi delegation, though The Verb could not confirm the actual source.

With barely a moment’s hesitation, the Canadian Prime Minister pouted his lips to form a classic ‘Blue Steel’ look, and all stumbling blocks to negotiations crumbled away, leaving only resolve to solve the climate crisis with a single, binding, durable and ambitious treaty.

Trudeau 3

Ever the crowd pleaser

“My work here is done,” said Trudeau, as he wafted off the stage like a cloud.


The Dodo Report is The Verb’s comedy page – taking the heat out of climate negotiations. 

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