The World Conservation of Gingers Collective (WCGC) have been denied their chance to speak about the effects of climate change on gingers.
After the statements of countries at the opening address for the Subsidiary Body for Scientific and Technical Advice (SBSTA) ran over time on Monday, the WCGC were told that their cause was not as important as others.
WCGC spokesman, Dr Rupert Grint, said that it was unfortunate that his organisation was unable to issue their plea about the threat that climate change poses to gingers. In a press release given yesterday, Dr Grint stated that: “Climate change poses a serious threat to the continued existence of gingers worldwide. A two degree global increase puts us on the very cusp of extinction. We are at a threshold point, and if we do not act now, future gingers will be unable to go outside, even at night time.”
Dr Grint painted a very stark picture. “If the global emissions trends continue, it’s quite simple, we will cease to exist. At a three degree increase, which is looking increasingly likely, not even shade will be enough to protect gingers from the sun.”
Echoing the famous words of former Maldives President, Mohamed Nasheed, Dr Grint said that: “The evidence is clear. The world must act now, or gingers will die.”
SBSTA talks concluded last Saturday, and the WCGC were unable to make a formal submission.
By Jeremiah Brown, photos by Laura Owsianka. This is clearly a piece of hilarious fiction.