Hug A Saudi

Lachie McKenzie | December 9, 2015.

Saudi Arabia has done a complete reversal on its position at the climate conference here in Paris. In a surprise twist, the oil dependent nation has committed to fully decarbonise its economy by 2020. The reason? Youth protesters.

This change of heart was reportedly prompted by a 19-year-old protester from Minnesota, USA, who simply hugged the lead Saudi negotiator for a reported three to four seconds.

“As soon as I heard their clever rhyming slogans about the climate, I knew deep down that we were on the wrong path,” said the Saudi chief negotiator Khalid Abuleif.

“But as soon as that young boy with bad facial hair hugged me,” he continued, “I realised that despite almost all of my country’s wealth coming from oil revenues we could abandon all of it tomorrow, which is now our plan.”

khalid-abulief IISD

Khalid Abuleif, the hug recipient (Credit: IISD)

Sources have told The Verb that the Americans, Venezuelans, Kuwaitis and Iranian have all followed suit and will also leave their fossil fuels in the ground.

The Australian government was also convinced to abandon all coal mining immediately when the lead negotiator heard the phrase ‘climate action now.’

It appears that where collective and sustained effort of the world’s best minds to craft complex policy instruments to solve intractable geopolitical conflicts had failed, a simple hug succeeded.

“I knew it would work,” said Trey Chad, the protester. “Nobody can resist a good rhyming couplet, and nobody can resist a hug – not even the Saudis.”

The complete 180° from Saudi Arabia’s previous position shocked many at the climate conference. Coincidentally, 180°C is the predicted average temperature for the Saudi capital Riyadh if the Kingdom were to burn all its remaining fossil fuel reserves. Luckily, this situation has been avoided.

“Before I met Mr Chad, literally nobody had ever told me that burning fossil fuels was bad for the environment,” said Mr Abuleif,  

“Thank God for Mr Chad!” Mr Abuleif opined. 

Protesters at the conference are urging all attendees to #HugASaudi, with the hashtag now trending worldwide. 

The Dodo Report is The Verb’s comedy page – taking the heat out of climate negotiations. 

comments powered by Disqus